


sure on this shining night

by SiderumInCaelo



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Episode: s02e13-14 Such Sweet Sorrow Parts 1-2, Episode: s03e05 Is There in Truth No Beauty?, Gen or Pre-Slash, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:34:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28967640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiderumInCaelo/pseuds/SiderumInCaelo
Summary: After Ambassador Kollos leaves, a conversation with Kirk reminds Spock of Michael's final advice to him.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 10
Kudos: 51





	sure on this shining night

**Author's Note:**

> This is set shortly after the TOS episode "Is There in Truth No Beauty?" (s03e05) but heavily references events in _Discovery_ , especially "Such Sweet Sorrow" (s02e13-14), and may not make much sense without it.
> 
> The title is taken from the poem of the same name by James Agee.

Spock is in one of the _Enterprise_ ’s chemistry labs, checking on the progress of an experiment set up earlier in the day. Strictly speaking, it shouldn’t need to be monitored for several more hours, so Spock has the lab to himself.

At least, he does until Kirk walks in.

Spock stands automatically. “Captain,” he greets, “is there something you need?”

“No, no,” Kirk says, waving at him to relax. “Just dropping by. I’m not disturbing you, am I?” he asks over his shoulder as he goes to examine some of the lab equipment behind Spock.

“Not at all, sir.” As Captain, it is of course Kirk’s prerogative to inspect any aspect of the ship’s operations whenever he pleases – but even if it were not, Spock could not honestly say that he objects to Kirk’s presence.

However, this does not mean that he believes Kirk was simply “dropping by,” and he is unsurprised when Kirk asks, “Are you all right? No side effects from seeing Ambassador Kollos, or the mind-meld with Dr. Jones?”

“I am quite recovered, I assure you,” Spock answers.

Kirk nods, but he continues to study the equipment setup, with more interest than it can possibly deserve. When Spock turns to look at him, he sees that Kirk is tapping his fingers against his thigh. However, no words are forthcoming.

“Is there something on your mind?” Spock prompts, glancing meaningfully at Kirk’s still-drumming fingers; Kirk abruptly stops and folds his arms across his chest.

“I want to ask you something,” Kirk admits, “but I’m not sure you’d appreciate it.”

Spock recognizes that this gives him an out, so to speak, to avoid what is, presumably, a personal line of questioning. But Kirk’s hesitance only increases Spock’s curiosity as to what he wants to ask. He wonders if Kirk knew it would have that effect.

Still, Spock tilts his head and lifts an eyebrow, an unspoken invitation for Kirk to continue.

“Kollos said you were lonely, Spock. So lonely.”

That’s not what Spock was expecting Kirk to say. “The Ambassador said that all of us who have flesh bodies are lonely, Captain,” Spock points out, carefully neutral. “Additionally, that was not a question.”

“True,” Kirk acknowledges, as he walks over to Spock and leans against the lab bench. “But he got that from your head, no one else’s. So, here _is_ a question: are you lonely?” he asks. “And don’t tell me that as a Vulcan you don’t experience loneliness,” he tacks on.

Vulcan sensibility tells Spock to offer a straightforward denial. But he doubts that would assuage the concern lurking beneath Kirk’s question. And he remembers, suddenly, being in a damaged shuttle on a piece of debris, and the last advice Michael had ever given him.

_Reach for them. Let them guide you._

He can’t tell Kirk about Michael, of course. But then, he doesn’t have to in order to explain why Kirk’s concern, though appreciated, is unnecessary.

“Years ago,” Spock begins slowly, “a woman I knew told me that there was a galaxy full of people who would reach for me, and that I should let them. At the time, I did not believe her. It seemed incongruous with the vast majority of my experiences up to that point. But I have since realized that she was right. I am… profoundly grateful that I found those people.” _That I found you_ goes unspoken, but Spock trusts that it’s understood anyway.

“She sounds like a smart woman,” Kirk says.

“Quite,” Spock agrees.

“Tell me about her?” Kirk asks.

“In addition to being intelligent, as you have already surmised, she was principled, brave, and determined – or stubborn, depending on who you asked. She insisted on taking responsibility for things that were not her fault, a trait I often found frustrating. She was capable of extraordinary depths of compassion for those around her, and had a gift for seeing possibilities others could not.”

Kirk nods at the description. “You talk about her in the past tense,” he observes.

“She’s not dead,” Spock answers the unspoken question, clinging to his memory of that seventh red signal, bright in the sky. Indeed, from a certain perspective, Michael will outlive him by centuries. “But she is gone.”

“I’m sorry,” Kirk offers, quiet. “You must miss her.”

“Sometimes,” Spock acknowledges. “It is unfortunate that you and she will never meet. She would have liked you.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s high praise, so thank you,” Kirk says with a smile.

“You do share several personality traits with her, intelligence and determination among them,” Spock acknowledges. “But even more so, I believe she would approve of the effect you’ve had on my life.”

Spock can feel more than see Kirk looking at him, waiting for him to explain. Spock takes a breath, looking straight ahead without really seeing anything.

“The last thing she ever told me,” Spock says, “was that I should find the person who seemed furthest from me and reach for them. That I should let them guide me. It would have made her happy to see that I took her advice.”

Spock turns his head to look directly at Kirk. “In answer to your original question,” he says, “I have been well-acquainted with loneliness in the past. But I can say with certainty that I am not lonely now.”

Kirk’s mouth parts slightly but no sound comes out; he seems to be at a loss for words. Instead, he wraps his hand around Spock’s arm, just above the elbow, his grip firm, and they stay like that for several long moments.

Eventually, Kirk speaks. “I’m really glad you took her advice. For my sake as much as your own.”

“As am I.”

Kirk gives his arm one final squeeze before letting go. “I’ll leave you to your work, since my concern was misplaced,” he says, pushing himself off of the lab bench.

“Misplaced, but not unwelcome,” Spock clarifies.

“Thanks, Spock,” Kirk says, with the type of smile that makes the corners of his eyes crinkle, then heads for the door.

But as he reaches it, he turns around to look back at Spock. “This woman – what was her name?” he asks.

“Good night, Jim,” is all Spock says.


End file.
